So... the surgery. My good Lord.

Okay so I told you I was terrified, and I was. I came into the hospital in the afternoon and they got me all checked in, undressed, ready to go. I was in the pre-op area and the surgeon was late. So I just waited. And waited. And watched the scheduled time for my surgery come and go. The nurses, the anesthesiologists, everyone milled about talking about their lives, etc. while I lay petrified on a gurney with a painful splint (a new one poorly done after the X-Rays) waiting to be wheeled in.

One of the nurses was VERY nice. She was compassionate and talked to me and tried to allay my fears. Didn't work. And I waited. The waiting was awful.

The anesthesiologist introduced himself to me and I told him I was terrified. I told him why. He leaned in and said, in a calm voice, "You are one of those patients who needs to have every detail explained to her. So I'm going to explain every step we're going to take." He then went on and explained everything that would be happening, including the administering of a drug called Versed. He said that Versed would not only make me happy and calm me down, but it would also give me amnesia about whatever happened after I got it up until about the recovery period. Great. So to me, that meant, even if I felt the entire surgery, I'd never remember it. That was a bit of a relief, but I was still scared.

So then the surgeon gets there. He introduces himself, and then it's time to go in. So the Circulatory Nurse comes, introduces herself and off we go. I get wheeled into the OR and I can't believe this is where it's going to take place. I go into full-on panic mode, the tears are just flowing. Meanwhile the Anesthesiologist, the Nurse and everyone seems to be having conversations all around me, about barbecue grills, cookouts, etc. And there I am BEYOND terrified. The Circulatory Nurse finally looks down and sees my tears and says, "OH! Are you okay?" And the Anesthesiolgist sees my tears and says, "She's scared." Then he leans into me and says, "You ready for the Versed?" And they put the Versed into my IV.

God Bless America. Versed is the greatest drug on earth. A second after it was administered I was involuntarily grinning ear to ear. The Anesth. asked me, "You feeling okay?" And I held my thumbs up and said, "This is better than Maker's Mark." They all fell out laughing and that was all I can remember until I was being wheeled into my room.

The PAIN!!!

OH.MY.GOD. Okay so I'm being wheeled to my room and my mother had been there waiting. So I call to her, and she comes over and says, "How are you." I don't remember what I said, but she later told me I said, "Bad." Straight and to the point.

Okay back to the PAIN (see it in all caps). Well this surgery I got the ORIF - is an ambulatory procedure, that means I get up to 23 hours of recovery - see how that's less than a day? That means I go home the same day. But thank you Jesus, my surgeon had some sense. He told my mother, "I would never send her home now, the pain would be unmanageable and you would be very upset with me if I sent her home." Hallelujah and thank you Jesus.

Let me tell you something. Anyone who sends a patient HOME to hop on crutches to the bathroom and whatever else, is EVIL. Sheer and utter evil. The PAIN that I experienced after that surgery was indescribable, so I won't even try. I wouldn't wish that pain on my worst enemy.

Thank you God for Morphine and clocks that tell me when 4 hours is dwindling down. My anesthesiologist tole me to keep the Morphine at a steady level in my system and not to let the level drop so that the pain couldn't kick back in. That was my life's mission while I was in the hospital (and they kept me for two days!) - to stay on Morphine for the entire time, every four hours like clockwork. There were times when the pain tried to poke through, and other times when I thought the itching (a side-effect from the Morphine) would kill me. But for the most part the Morphine was great and being in the hospital was not bad at all.

Now I'm home. No morphine. The pain has been bad at times. When I first got home, I had to take FOUR... yes I said FOUR percocet. I just had to.

But it's not as bad right now. We'll see how this goes down.

I can't be popping Percocet - I have a final to take tomorrow. Sigh.

Yep. You guessed it. This sucks, man.

I can't sleep. My mother's in there knocked out, but I can't sleep at all. I'm so terrified. Today's the day of my surgery.

What am I afraid of, you might ask. Well, let's go down the list. I'm afraid of so many things. I've never been cut into before, so I'm afraid of infection. I'm afraid that the sterility won't be on point and I'll get some horrible staph infection, or that I'll catch some ridiculous communicable disease. Ahhh but those are the little worries. My big, huge, unrelenting worry is that when I'm put under, I won't be put ALL the way under. That I'll be under enough for me to be paralyzed, but not enough for me not to feel the entire surgery. I'm afraid of that, and that I'll have nightmares about hearing the drill and feeling them cut me open and setting my bones for the rest of my life. I'm TERRIFIED.

TERRIFIED. And then I have another final in 4 days. Great.

So my exams are over (the pre-op exams) except for the one on the 11th. I did it!!! I'm so proud of myself. I had to pretty much do it alone because I couldn't get on campus alone and everyone was studying themselves. I can't ask anyone to come get me and drag me around on campus in my wheelchair.

So I'm done for the most part. LOL I'm talking like I didn't have the ONLY meltdown thinking I was going to fail Bus Org. But I didn't. I didn't fail. I was able to say SOMETHING on that exam that made sense, so I didn't fail, even though I would have BET the FARM that I was going to.

I have got to start going to church more, because God is so great. He looks out for me ALWAYS. Whether I deserve it... or not. Sigh.

And yeah this still freakin' sucks. Horribly. But my ingenuity knows no bounds!!!

Today's my first final. I feel pretty good, believe it or not. My friend (who was there when I fell) has been great about getting me on campus and this accident has made me call on my ingenuity.

I'm ready for my Con Law exam. I'm scared as hell, but I feel more confident this semester than I did last semester and when I talk to other students, I can actually have a conversation. *shrug* I'm going to be fine. Uggh, I have another tomorrow.